Archive for the ‘Flying With Training Wheels’ Category

So, SO much has gone on in the past month a few days since my last post. I told y’all I’d PROMISE to update everyday from Myrtle Beach and even that was a long shot with all the things that happened. Great family, good drinks…perfect weather, waking up on the beach…I didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but here are just a few pictures from my time there, if you haven’t seen them already.

…and then some. Then, there’s the case of going to Miami, MEETING a potential roommate, getting told her mind changed at the last minute when you found a place, waiting on the lease to be faxed…trying to find an affordable place and a car in such a short period of time…just, this is life. I should know what to expect…but that is such a loaded statement.

I’ve been trying to do some soul searching and ended up 2 steps away from the same spot I’m in now. So, crack your knuckles and get some popcorn…it’s been a minute.

To be honest, when do a mother and her daughter honestly and truly get along? …we’re working on that. Don’t get us wrong — we love one another unconditionally, but we’re on two separate pages and I’m trying to focus on one thing, appease her to do everything else but I really keep saying I have no “me time”, and I use that “to get focused and down to business.” I update NQM almost everyday and run errands for everyone else, but it only takes a few hours for me to do what I need to out the day, but I feel it’s more…I want to work as soon as I get down there, but I need an ADDRESS for them to send the checks. AND a car.

Why can’t shit happen the way it’s supposed to?

Thats the age old question because if it would’ve, I would’ve been straight a long ass time ago. I mean, like JUNE — roommate, car…*sighs*…but then again, it’s life. Shit is only easy in movies and TV…which, I write so…but don’t get me wrong — there’s no mixing up reality with fantasy here. I think my issue is I see the finish line in sight – interviews, fly free shit, and just being in my own lane, on nobody’s time. Yeah…I see that as attainable. I want that. I think I need it. But I see the hurtles in my way as well. They get bigger by the hour.

I’ve been talking to one of my new professors and it’ll be good to get to some work, the same that I was craving in undergrad, done here. he’s a funny guy, actually. But that’s one of the things I know I’m ready for. Let’s hope…

Looking for a place to live in S. Florida is harder than it used to be. Thanks, Lebron…

Yo! It’s August in one full week. Within that week, I turn 22 and looking back when I was in high school, this is far from what I thought I’d be at 22. Thought I’d be in a somewhat meaningful relationship (I got told last night ‘damn you act like a nigga in relationships’), working steadily, and happy. I’m…somewhat one for 3. Like .5/3. Very, VERY low number but those are subject to change. If you knew me last year…then you knew my last birthday sucked gigantic donkey balls because of circumstances dealing with folks out of my hands. Never effin’ again. Still mad about that shit. But it’s back then and I’ve made plans for next week… hopefully they go through. I got early gifts and a great dinner with my mom this past Tuesday since I won’t see her on my birthday.

I think I’ve hit a slump in my short life. A short one, but a slump. I plan on working two jobs, haven’t been out all summer but I’ve been broke so…and you don’t wanna know how much. So much, I thought I’d take off a semester, working and saving I’d be fine. It’s just an option. The LAST option but still an option. Ma says NO! I say…eh, it’s possible. She said if anything it happens, it should happen down there. I don’t know. That’s still a loaded situation but it’s a situation, MINE, nonetheless.

But…this time last year, I had someone I could call in a “friend” capacity. He’s no longer here. I think about him more than I allow myself to. 1, to wherever he is. The way he and I were, that…crazy roller-coaster, I want that again. I have to pick up. But it’s crazy cause…I don’t want to share men. Yeah…what’s the deal with that? Every guy I have a genuine attraction and interest in either has other female’s on the side or one he’s reluctant to tell me about. But see, that’s why I operate the way I do — I talk to two people at time, but nothing too serious or intimate. Nobody sticks around that long. I usually do, but…then I don’t. I can spot a collapse from a mile away. But not a stalker…hmmm…gotta sharpen that radar. I try, though. The last time I was honest with a guy…his girl was in the car (found out afterwards) and it’s been embarrassing to try ever since.

But yet, humility comes with honesty. Isn’t that how it goes? ‘Upper Hand Junie’…I try. But I don’t socialize like I used to cause some shit my brother says sticks with me. Told me once I was too sociable. But now I’m broke…I know normally those two things can be avoided in the same area but I’ve adopted a sedentary lifestyle of just buying alcohol, staying in the house and watching TV on the weekends. Yes…this summer that was supposed to be the best, SUCKS. It seems like everybody else’s stress in situations come across me and I have no life anymore. What in the fucking fuck…it was NEVER like this. I think I’m clinging to whats convenient. Right now, being bored with excuses for being broke are what’s convenient and it’s never been this way.

Everyday I wake up, I’m a Youtube addict, calling people and emailing them about their housing listings and updating. I say NQM and stuff is my life and a big part of it is, but I haven’t written in months (rhymes or scripts) and old TV relationships have more spark than mine. Am I scared? Of…? I’m the first one to call myself a “Quiet G”, immersed in graffiti, fly shit, hip-hop, and just doing me. But I can only do so much of that…before I flip.

&& honestly I think that’s what I’m doing. I want to feel “Fancy” for a change; get dressed up, go out, get everything done…feel like the young lady I am. Why don’t I feel like that now? But…oh well, hopefully my situation lifts when I get to where I need to be. Soon.

We’ll see.

So…A LOT has happened in the past few weeks. First off, gotta give it up to the man above; NOTHING in this month was possible about God.

Secondly, back to some killa shit – I have officially been accepted as a Grad Student to the University of Miami’s School of Communications for Screenwriting. Oh yeah, we in here. So much to do, so little time.

thirdly (sp?) – …black people and sending me my money on time…boy, if I were a different type of Christian…

but on the real, THANK GOD I MADE IT OUT ALIVE. I’m trying to do my best, which entails finding a roommate (so I can have somewhere to live), planning out the next year and a half (how long the program is) and going on from there. Thats the easy part…well, visualizing.

This is going to be a long post so grab something to eat…don’t worry, I’ll wait…

So, Miami said yes. Everybody was ecstatic…’cept for one brother who shall remain nameless…but yup – MMA is still on the ballot. I just HATE IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET A NEW POST UP. I never forgot about #GetMuNNY, nor did I want to. I been caught up in my own race to get exposure and felt a bit left out when it came to posting on my baby and on my first taste of blogging stomping grounds, SneakerSlut. Shouts to them TX twins [stand up!] But man…family issues, trying to get a car and my credit right, graduating and getting into school isn’t even half…well, in a way, it is of whats going on.

You ready? [yeah my mind is like a ‘jumpaline’, as my nephew calls it]

I grew up…wait for it…wait for it…hourglass…

Yeah. So in ONE example – I let a lot of things go. I have to let bae’s situation [RIP] set in as permanent and stop wanting to text or call the idiot who doesn’t think I know he has a girlfriend. Well, I found out after the fact but still…wait – this can be a manifest for two people…a hehe my ass. But I always have a ‘type’ I seem to go for – ATHLETES. Whoo chile. Or dude’s built like one. Blame T.O. and Ocho THE Cinco for setting that standard. Then there’s this one athlete I came clean with…he uh, we had been kicking it and it got too close too soon and I pushed this cat to the side like Precious does a diet. Hey, she won, shit – I can make all the jokes I want.

Thats it – in a nutshell. Now don’t go looking for those walnut crackers you seen in Wal-Mart. Apparently people dump bodies there [true story]. No long, endearing argument and relaization about myself and life – YET. I was on my facebook and realized I talked too damn much about the issues I was dancing around – straight forward and to the point. Yup…that’s how it’s gotta be so with no names, I bring you

MY HONESTY LIST:
1 – HONESTLY, _______, if we’re gonna have anything (friendship or er…yeah, that) you gotta grow up. I do too. Thats why I made that rule. And you gotta let people know when your not single anymore cause that whole “finding out on facebook” is not cool. Thats what they invented alcohol for. I think.

2 – HONESTLY, ______, if we’re gonna have any time of remaining friendship, please get off that diva shit. It’s not healthy. And you were more fun when you were ho’ing and single. #jussayin. (it’s a guy, don’t worry) So, “I’ll guess I’ll see you next lifetime…”

3 – HONESTLY, _____, if you THINK I’m not over “thatoneincidentthatwashugetome”, then I’m not. Sorry dude – I’m just not there yet.

4 – HONESTLY, ____, we could work…

5 – HONESTLY, __, I’m not scared of this new phase of my life. I welcome it with open bars.

6 – HONESTLY, _________, you’ll be fine. I want to take care of you but being away right now is going to help in the long run. Don’t work yourself to death, please…

7 – HONESTLY, ___, the more I keep thinking about you, the more unhealthy this becomes. Not as an obsession, but right now it’s “let’s get this thing over with.” … y’all got dirty minds, man. [me too].

…thats the list for right now. No names not out of FEAR or whatever that internet bullyshit is, but because it’s privacy. For them. Cause, you know how honest I am and uh, I don’t want to whole wasting my daytime minutes crying and whining shit.

And I’m THAT confident. AND comfortable.

So, until next time rap fans (cause i’m sure being up at 5:52 is not cool with a load of energy drinks and a thunder storm), I PROMISE IT WONT TAKE THIS LONG TO UPDATE. Don’t lose faith in “get munny” – it’s just been a time consuming…time. makes sense? …man im hungry.

nightmorning…or, whatever number drink this is for you.

I don’t want to be strong. I want to be healthy.

As we all know [and I’m constantly reminded] that the WWEF’s workout and conditioning consist of a healthy breakfast of broccoli with a side of steroids. I would say “Sorry, Vince” but we all know I favor my money mogul hero [Sorry, Uncle Russell] Eric Bischoff from turning a sinking ship into a Caribbean Cruise line on some Popeye’s spinach. Ah…the old days, which, consequently are the new days on TNA. [back to Monday Night Live, aren’t we?] But enough about that. UFC is totally unscripted which makes it exciting. Minus the Kimbo.

I miss being in that kind of shape; weight room scrambles, power lifting, cardio conditioning…if I could do it for 13 years, then I can get back on it. It’ll be tough, but physically and mentally I plan on getting myself into shape for whatever happens after Mother’s Day. I used to be in better shape mentally – 260 crunches every Sunday night which progressed to 50 every night. I didn’t LIKE being forced into someone else’s schedule though [short man], so I did my extra stuff on my own time. But this includes diet and if my recent health scare wasn’t kicking my ass enough, then this should. It’ll be painful, but it’ll pay off [which, I don’t mind].

I hated conditioning drills and season. But after I got over the feeling of “Oh I feel like I’m ’bout to throw up” to “You slow. Keep up”, it felt like a great pay off. Felt like I could so anything. I’ve been lax for 4 years but “here…we..go.” Boom. Watch me.