Archive for the ‘Cold Outside’ Category

Inspiration for this mainly stems from the tragic shootings in AZ on Saturday.

He speaks some truth (Olbermann; video posted on my wall); call those in higher positions of ‘help and best interest’ into account for the imagery they use in their speeches to ‘rally’ folks; although its mostly Tea Party members and right wing conservatives, people need to held accountable for what comes out of their mouth, metaphorically or jokingly, because you never know how someone will take it. As Proverbs 18: 21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Take account unto all you do. I can’t see the future but now we can’t agree to disagree without bullets, threats, and safety. We, as a country, are falling apart. Now more than ever it’s time to include ourselves from those who’ve excluded us and our rights, but it comes at a time of fear…a dark cloud of danger, racism, religion, and a higher sense of moral reality. He even reprimands himself for a comment he made against Sen. Clinton — just LISTEN. Its past the moment of teetering on domestic vandalism and threatning mail; after all, we are the country who, after Bush was elected to his second term, spray painted and vandalized cars of known Republicans. Now it seems the Tea Party and extremist are hitting back hard and making it almost impossible for people just to survive day to day without fear of domestic terrorism and violence as well as persecution. Gone are those days, when, it was cool to ‘agree to disagree’.

But why? Why are some of us valued lesser than others in the eyes of the people who promise to bring us through? Not all African-American’s are lazy and shiftless, although some of us are, not all, so when we’re disfranchised by the majority in decisions made to benefit those around us, we’re angry. Have been for a while. But now, its not just a racial black-white thing; other minority groups in this country are taken for granted and often stepped on as well. If I’m not being truthful, who is mainly represented in the house and congress (besides Obama)? Sure, we have some political minority figures who are doing a great job in seeing that the people who put them there are represented, but then there are the people who run of the fuel of hatred, lies, stripes and stars and the motivation to only help those around them by setting up bars and obstacles that make it somewhat impossible for minorities to try and overcome. Not saying that “the man” is always keeping people down, but take a good, hard look at this country; who has access to what and how does it benefit them as opposed to the folks who are “on the outside looking in”.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

This is by no means a personal, racially motivated to take up as a Black Panther party but I would like for us to reconsider, in this age, what the words “by any means necessary” stand for today. Not taking anything from brother Shabazz but when someone actually breaks the fence of the “long time coming” political violence, where does that leave the people who had their side of the fence blown open. This tragedy can either help or hurt us as a nation; it can bring us together to fix this mess left by oil-driven, C plus Yale students or it can permenatly divide us and send us faster into a sinking oblivion. Like I said, this isn’t personally motived by race, but if you take a look around, not too many things AREN’T.

I can’t front; when I heard the news, I was strolling the warm, tropical waters of South Beach with my friend and saw an uploaded link to facebook from a friend of mine, who went OFF behind the motives. Rightfully so. It’d been on my mind all day and when I returned home, it shocked me how desensitized I was to it. But I prayed for Congresswoman Gifford and all involved. Whatever you have to do to prepare yourself for this world, just remember, don’t become OF THIS WORLD in an attempt to understand and live in it. Some things, we’ll just never understand. But this…this was motivated by hatred, politics and God knows what else. I don’t know where this leaves us, besides our current state of mourning, but whats important is the foundation of the aftermath that follows. Time for waffles.

Just something to think about as you go through your day.

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I say epic shit. I’d advise you to stay clear. One foot in front of the other.

This is relatively short. Well the post. I’mma keep it funky with you – every time I come to post, I can’t. Simply cause I have the RIP post staring me in the face. Time to move on, but never forget. So, I’m writing a feature and a spec script for Psych. I’m NFL – Nigga Fuckin’ Large (Chris Rock) so I’m trying to do something big.

Say your peace, listen to the player and kick it for a bit. Oh yeah, and by the way, last & final rap name: Lena James. Get acquainted.

So, SO much has gone on in the past month a few days since my last post. I told y’all I’d PROMISE to update everyday from Myrtle Beach and even that was a long shot with all the things that happened. Great family, good drinks…perfect weather, waking up on the beach…I didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but here are just a few pictures from my time there, if you haven’t seen them already.

…and then some. Then, there’s the case of going to Miami, MEETING a potential roommate, getting told her mind changed at the last minute when you found a place, waiting on the lease to be faxed…trying to find an affordable place and a car in such a short period of time…just, this is life. I should know what to expect…but that is such a loaded statement.

I’ve been trying to do some soul searching and ended up 2 steps away from the same spot I’m in now. So, crack your knuckles and get some popcorn…it’s been a minute.

To be honest, when do a mother and her daughter honestly and truly get along? …we’re working on that. Don’t get us wrong — we love one another unconditionally, but we’re on two separate pages and I’m trying to focus on one thing, appease her to do everything else but I really keep saying I have no “me time”, and I use that “to get focused and down to business.” I update NQM almost everyday and run errands for everyone else, but it only takes a few hours for me to do what I need to out the day, but I feel it’s more…I want to work as soon as I get down there, but I need an ADDRESS for them to send the checks. AND a car.

Why can’t shit happen the way it’s supposed to?

Thats the age old question because if it would’ve, I would’ve been straight a long ass time ago. I mean, like JUNE — roommate, car…*sighs*…but then again, it’s life. Shit is only easy in movies and TV…which, I write so…but don’t get me wrong — there’s no mixing up reality with fantasy here. I think my issue is I see the finish line in sight – interviews, fly free shit, and just being in my own lane, on nobody’s time. Yeah…I see that as attainable. I want that. I think I need it. But I see the hurtles in my way as well. They get bigger by the hour.

I’ve been talking to one of my new professors and it’ll be good to get to some work, the same that I was craving in undergrad, done here. he’s a funny guy, actually. But that’s one of the things I know I’m ready for. Let’s hope…

Looking for a place to live in S. Florida is harder than it used to be. Thanks, Lebron…

Yo! It’s August in one full week. Within that week, I turn 22 and looking back when I was in high school, this is far from what I thought I’d be at 22. Thought I’d be in a somewhat meaningful relationship (I got told last night ‘damn you act like a nigga in relationships’), working steadily, and happy. I’m…somewhat one for 3. Like .5/3. Very, VERY low number but those are subject to change. If you knew me last year…then you knew my last birthday sucked gigantic donkey balls because of circumstances dealing with folks out of my hands. Never effin’ again. Still mad about that shit. But it’s back then and I’ve made plans for next week… hopefully they go through. I got early gifts and a great dinner with my mom this past Tuesday since I won’t see her on my birthday.

I think I’ve hit a slump in my short life. A short one, but a slump. I plan on working two jobs, haven’t been out all summer but I’ve been broke so…and you don’t wanna know how much. So much, I thought I’d take off a semester, working and saving I’d be fine. It’s just an option. The LAST option but still an option. Ma says NO! I say…eh, it’s possible. She said if anything it happens, it should happen down there. I don’t know. That’s still a loaded situation but it’s a situation, MINE, nonetheless.

But…this time last year, I had someone I could call in a “friend” capacity. He’s no longer here. I think about him more than I allow myself to. 1, to wherever he is. The way he and I were, that…crazy roller-coaster, I want that again. I have to pick up. But it’s crazy cause…I don’t want to share men. Yeah…what’s the deal with that? Every guy I have a genuine attraction and interest in either has other female’s on the side or one he’s reluctant to tell me about. But see, that’s why I operate the way I do — I talk to two people at time, but nothing too serious or intimate. Nobody sticks around that long. I usually do, but…then I don’t. I can spot a collapse from a mile away. But not a stalker…hmmm…gotta sharpen that radar. I try, though. The last time I was honest with a guy…his girl was in the car (found out afterwards) and it’s been embarrassing to try ever since.

But yet, humility comes with honesty. Isn’t that how it goes? ‘Upper Hand Junie’…I try. But I don’t socialize like I used to cause some shit my brother says sticks with me. Told me once I was too sociable. But now I’m broke…I know normally those two things can be avoided in the same area but I’ve adopted a sedentary lifestyle of just buying alcohol, staying in the house and watching TV on the weekends. Yes…this summer that was supposed to be the best, SUCKS. It seems like everybody else’s stress in situations come across me and I have no life anymore. What in the fucking fuck…it was NEVER like this. I think I’m clinging to whats convenient. Right now, being bored with excuses for being broke are what’s convenient and it’s never been this way.

Everyday I wake up, I’m a Youtube addict, calling people and emailing them about their housing listings and updating. I say NQM and stuff is my life and a big part of it is, but I haven’t written in months (rhymes or scripts) and old TV relationships have more spark than mine. Am I scared? Of…? I’m the first one to call myself a “Quiet G”, immersed in graffiti, fly shit, hip-hop, and just doing me. But I can only do so much of that…before I flip.

&& honestly I think that’s what I’m doing. I want to feel “Fancy” for a change; get dressed up, go out, get everything done…feel like the young lady I am. Why don’t I feel like that now? But…oh well, hopefully my situation lifts when I get to where I need to be. Soon.

We’ll see.

Nobody can win everything.

And believe me, I’ve tried. I’m competitive. I have to have the best or be the best at everything or on some level of that nature to keep me satisfied…ha. But one door, which, seemed glued shut closed today but the window that I needed to open to let my stress out came up with ease. So I just need to make sure it stays that way.

Can’t keep an ATlien down for long; we’re strong. We’re resilient. And liable to comit a B&E if everything doesn’t work itself out. And I don’t mean an actual B&E [well…for some of y’all], I mean where we’re told no…we make Freaknik. Get what I’m saying? We do it anyway, within the parameters that we can. After my first post, I said you’d be first to account my journey throughout this thing we can life.

Family [friends, stalkers, enemies] one door closed today; well, welded itself shut but I’ll keep trying until I find a blowtorch strong enough to help me pry it open. God, a pen, music and my “no relationship to 32” plan. Not my first NO, but it’s those yes’ that sends us flying into over active “I can do this mode” instead of “Shit…where to from here?”.

We’ll see.
Tomorrow.
But you’ll see first hand when I’m flying without training wheels in a few weeks…